Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Time For Another Rant

I've come to realize that the world is a messy place. I don't mean this beautiful blue ball floating through time and space, but its inhabitants. And messy isn't really the word I want here (some help here Rachel) - but there are so many that are cruel and insidious. Who love to take the joy out of someone's simple pleasures in life. Who - because they have no way of leaving a beautiful statement of their life, must therefore leave a smear, a stink, a black mark, putrid-ness and decay. 

I know everyone is wondering what has happened to make me suddenly post such statements, so let me explain.

The other day I was reading comments that some of you have left here, and I was sickened by the SPAM I discovered.

At first I thought it was just a few that had managed to sneak in and lay some foul smelling eggs in my little hen house. But since Blogger has so helpfully come up with more options and tricks, I soon discovered that in my absence the coop was almost full to the brim with their crap!

There were almost 6000 SPAM comments stinking up the Big Blue Barn!

Not only was I dismayed, but I must confess that I was also ashamed that I had left the door open for the vermin to waltz right in and squat. I had left my defences wide open with my refusal to set the guards at the gate.

Yes - I hate word verification.

Why is that?

It seems so long ago and far away, but at one time I faithfully read a large number of blogs every morning. That adds up to a lot of time. And as a good blogger, I wanted to leave a comment to let the writers know that I had been there and appreciated their words and thoughts and pictures. I'd dash off a (hopefully) thoughtful comment and hit enter with glee - only to be stopped by a word verification!
Arghhhhhh! And while I could hear the music from Jeopardy start up, I fumbled with my fingers and squinted at blurry numbers while the clock ticked on behind me. Inevitably I would forget a capital or mistake a 3 for an E or an 8 and I'd have to start all over again. Sometimes, in utter frustration, I'd try to make out the mumbling that was supposed to help me figure out the words and numbers but apparently I don't speak that language and comment moderation left me feeling cheated. I wanted to see my comment pop right up there - an instant gratification to assure me that it would be seen and perhaps commented on. But honestly? I knew that I would forget to go back and check on what the author thought of my comment, and eventually the need to appease would fade from my memory.

So it is with great sadness and a lot of anger that I have hired the guards and they now patrol the gate to the Big Blue Barn.

And to you 6000 SPAMMERS out there who want to smear your stink and foulness across the land -  can you see this finger?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

To All My Friends

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly.  As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my  patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with ageing.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love  ....... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.  They, too, will get old.

I  know I am sometimes forgetful.   But there again, some of life is just as  well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.  How can your heart not   break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?   But broken  hearts are  what give us strength and understanding and  compassion.   A heart  never broken is pristine and sterile and  will  never know the joy of  being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning grey, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As  you get older, it is easier to be positive.  You care less about what other people think.  I don't question myself  anymore..   I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So,  to  answer your question, I like being old.  It has set me free.   I  like the person I have become..  I am not going to live forever,  but while  I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what  could  have been,  or worrying about what will be.  And I shall  eat dessert every single day  (if I feel like it).


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Hello Hello Hello!

It seems like ages and ages - and looking back it really is - since I wrote anything or even visited someone here in blogland. I feel rather miserable about it all as well. I know it only takes a few lines to reach out and put a smile on someone's face, and that being said I've also grown rather rubbish at emails as well.

They call it Brain Fog - or Fibro Fog - a side effect of Fibromyalgia. Ho Hum. Add to that the morphine patch I now need to wear and sometimes my brain is really confused and feels heavy. Like the top of my head weighs at least a ton and I envision a cartoon image of myself with my body bent over and the top of my head huge and resting on the ground. I agree totally - it's an odd image!

Never mind though. I've got plenty of audio books to help me keep my brain working and paying attention to something. Otherwise it does have a tendency to wander off and I find myself all in a blather about absolutely nothing and I can't even remember why!

Enough of that.

What I would love is to hear from everyone on how YOU are doing!

I feel as if I've missed so much of my friend's lives...and I really have. All of you live so far away but you are still in my heart.

So take as much space as you want and fill me in on what has been happening and how you are feeling. If you don't want everyone to know - then just email me! I agree there are some things that you just don't want the whole world to know - but it's okay to share with a friend.

I truly hope that I'll be able to get here more and do some more writing.  And - I need to tell you about our wonderful trip to New Zealand!