Taking The Time

Sometimes you must take the time to be happy – to force yourself to shrug off that dark cloud that sits on your shoulder and put a smile on your face.

I looked in the mirror the other day and wondered who the person was with the ‘frowning  face’? You know the type – the people whose line of their mouth carries on down towards their chin – a permanent extended frown. The biggest upside down smile you can imagine.

I know I didn’t look like this before I took on the battle of the permanent pain thing these last couple of years. So I’ve set myself a goal – to turn that frown upside down. I’m just going to add that onto my goal list and work on it.

I find it odd that I have this upside down smile because I work hard at being in a happy mood every day. However sometimes the body is more powerful than the mind, but I’m not going to give up on my mind (again)!

Way back when beating Aims seemed to be the best game around for 3 decades, I always smiled to cover up the pain, both physical and emotional. I am not the only person who did/does that either.

These days I go every Friday to the hospital and get my bladder injected. There are three of us who have made friends and who cheer each other on. One comes from quite a distance away and with her illness can’t drive so her husband usually brings her. One day I met a beautiful woman who had driven my friend. Not only was she very pretty, but more importantly I felt a kindness that surrounded me when I spoke with her – like wings or a big blanket.  She made my day with her smiles and good wishes.

When she didn’t drive my friend the next time I learned that she has breast cancer. My heart sank and that instant fear all us women feel for each other took over. Now this morning I have learned that her partner is a Beater. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go defend her with such anger that I’m afraid of what I might do.

The BASTARD!

I hear she is safe – hidden away from him for a week. I’m hoping she isn’t thinking that a week will change him. I’m hoping she knows she has to keep running, she has to keep strong for herself twice over!

How angry this makes me! I often don’t understand how people can do this. Where is compassion? Where is love?

This wonderful woman took the time out from the horror of her life and made a couple of us gals feel better. I think her wings are made of gold.

Please take the time today to smile at a stranger and to read some of these stories. We all need support and a smile from a stranger.

It’s time to make a change.

Abuse Comes in Many Guises

I know it may sound odd to some of you people who have come to know me as that 'nice aims' who writes about surviving a life of abuse and mental illness and about New Orleans - but I have another side to me that few of you will ever get to know and probably for a good reason.

Most people aren't going to get the chance to get on my wrong side. Those who have crossed the line with me have experienced what happens and those who haven't - well - if you want to remain on the other side ......

So let me get this out there. Because right now I have to.

Having been abused for far too long in my life - and for suffering mentally because of it - I now have a cut-off point. I can smile and smile for a long time - taking it on the chin as they say - taking it and putting it away for a rainy day. Then one day - and you never know when that day is going to happen - but one day I'm not going to take it anymore. Once I reach that point - then we're done as friends. Very rarely - and I do mean very rarely - do I acquiesce and take up the friendship again. In fact to do so I need plenty of proof that the line isn't going to be forced ever again if I am even going to consider doing so.

Now - people like me - well - we have this arrow over our heads that says - "kick here for much fun". For some reason - there are some people out there that see beneath the smile and see a form of weakness that they like to take advantage of and abuse. They like to think that they have reasons to do so - and that they are going to get away with it - because I hide what I am thinking behind a smile for a long time. I'll even let you get a few kicks in because I'm just like that. I do have that little weak area that is susceptible and like the weakling on the beach it is easy to kick sand in my face.

However - I'm only going to eat sand for so long from so many and then it's game over. I'm not playing anymore.

For those of you out there who think people like me are fun to bully around or even push around - watch out. We're not so fun on the flip side. We're not fun at all.

And once you cross the line with me - believe me - it's no-man's land.

Think about your actions before you take them. Some of us are tired of the abuse - the misuse - the taking for granted - for the uncaring attitudes. Some of us just aren't going to play anymore. And it's your loss - not mine.