Friday, January 3, 2014

Prisoners in a Land of Snow and Cold

I used to love living here on the dry prairies of central Alberta, Canada.

My Mother used to write to me and tell me how they called it the "Parklands", and when I first arrived I could easily understand that one word.

The landscapes of Alberta take your breath away no matter where you look. Here, undulating fields of barley, wheat, corn and canola stretch to the horizons and you can watch their progress so easily from winter through to harvest and back again. It's truly a beautiful progress. It entraps me!

I love to see the farmers out in the fields in the spring, plowing and fertilizing and seeding. Their huge machines tear at the soil, working deep into it, begging it for succor while their masters beg their machines not to break down and the sky for the perfect recipes of sun and rain.

Then as the summer comes so does the growth of the seed and we watch as the heads pop from the soil and the plants reach for the sun and stretch and grow. Here then again is reason to beg the sky to leave us be and farmers pay exorbitant sums to eager hands for wind, hail and tornado insurance. And every year it is paid out as the winds get fiercer and we are pelted with ice in the middle of hot summer days as the clouds swirl in circles above our heads.

I was once caught in the middle of a 'plowing tornado'. I huddled in my little thirteen foot trailer and looked out the window at my brother across the lawn in his house and we talked to each other on the phone - afraid to severe the connection in case something happened to me. Sometimes we couldn't see each other and all we had were each others voices and his anchored me in that terrible storm like it always has. When it ended there were his wetsuits spread across the next field and garbage and hailstones piled over a foot deep in a drift up against his building. But we had survived and that is what mattered!

Then as the nights start to get colder and the leaves start to change colour, the air is suddenly filled with the sweet aroma of ripened canola and it is bright yellow. Everywhere you look the fields stretch for miles and it is an incredible sight to see. It always catches me without my camera and I swear that I will have it the next time I go back in a day or two. But by then it is too late. The farmers have already harvested the sweet and beautiful crop and the fields lay bare and there is nothing to see. I lay my camera back down on the passenger's seat and drive sadly on, always wishing I had remembered to bring it earlier. I do that every single year even though I can see that it is ripening before my very eyes and I know that they will be harvesting soon! Silly old me.

Then comes the harvest of the rest of the crops and the air is full of dust and chaff and it continues for a month if not longer and driving is a hazard and so is breathing! The farmers work 24 hours straight trying to get their crops in while the weather is good; before the rains, before the snow, before they plan to go south for six months. Whatever their plans are - I don't know. And what is left are huge bales of hay or straw - sitting like sentinels out on the fields. They too are a beautiful sight with the lone hawks sitting on them waiting for a stray mouse in the early morning light or the late evening sun. The hawks are like the farmers, they too head south eventually to warmer hunting grounds. And all we are left with are the hay bales. Some farmers move them in under cover or wrap them in white plastic which almost look like some kind of an abomination. I can't imagine how much more it costs to put plastic wrap over your hay than to just bale it but I suppose they have their reasons. Sometimes you see long snakes of them in the fields where farmers have gathered them and lined them up head to toe and side by side. I myself prefer the old fashioned way that is very rare now where instead of bales they make what look like 'bread loaves' and then they tarp them. But you don't see that very often any more. Those were the older farmers. The new farmers do things differently and have bigger machines to do them for them. No wonder they complain they aren't making any money at farming. The cost of their equipment boggles the brain!

And then comes winter. Oh dear God! When I first arrived I came from southern Ontario where you didn't need a little thing called a 'block heater'. My car froze solid when I parked it at my parent's farm and the temperatures plummeted  to -40C for six weeks! At first I thought that was a fluke of the weather. Now it happens all the time and it feels like we are prisoners trapped here at the whim of Mother Nature. The forecast shows we are to have snow today with a low of -24C/-11F. Tomorrow we can look forward to a high of -19C/-2F with a low of -31C/-24F and then on Sunday we will have a High of -28C/-18F and a low of -32C/-26F! Of course just on time for all those on holiday to go back to work, the temperatures will rise to a lovely -14C/7F for those who want to go out for lunch and then plummet again for those who have to work late to only -17C/2F, not bad considering!

The cold started early November as I remember sitting in the hospital on the 23rd floor and looking out at the curls of vapor rising from chimneys from every building far below and feeling the chill emanating from the plate glass windows that stretched across each room giving marvelous vistas of the Rockies and keeping out the -40C chill. That weather continued on into the Christmas shopping season, giving the vendors fits as people didn't want to venture out in the cold and in all reality, who in their right mind would if they didn't have to? And it hasn't been until just this week that we've been given a break and we've seen the weather come up into a single digit - still below freezing in this area - and now again back to -31C. I can tell you riding in a car on frozen roads after surgery is no fun at all! It doesn't matter how luxurious that car may be or how careful a driver you may have - the frozen roads will get to you every single time! Mark my words on that!

Still - for one who feels she has a zipper in her back, I don't want to venture out in the cold and feel it seep into that wound. Even bundled up I ventured out once and it was -30C and I was only out for one little 5 minute walk and it did me in for two days. I couldn't leave my chair and heating pad nor could I sleep comfortably. Those kind of temps eat at your bones and gnaw at your brain. And I mean seriously gnaw at your brain. I don't know how those scientists live at the stations on Antarctica! Or how anyone could have trekked to the North Pole, or even live much farther north then we do where these temps go on forever.

People make a joke about Canadian Snowbirds, but you can see why. I look out my studio window and watch the snow blow past and cuddle up to one of the many little heaters we have stashed around this big old barn - and we have two furnaces for central heating as well! If you are lucky enough to be retired and have the money and means to leave and head South, then by all means - do so! Our regulations require that you must reside in Canada for six months plus one day - so many Snowbirds drive South then fly home for a short period so that they may extend their stay South longer. Why you ask? We've had snow - blizzards on the 24th of May! That's the first long weekend of our 'summer' so to speak - so many of us are out 'camping' - and often in canvas tents. Waking up to snow is not a lot of fun. Believe me, I've done it. I've peeled my frozen sleeping bag off of the canvas floor, listening to the ice particles as they rip and tear. Marvelous fun as you shiver in your flannel pajamas! Then crawling back into it later that night is never much fun as it never dries out and you can never really warm it up. The trick is to take rocks from around your fire and to wrap them in old sweaters that you bring along solely for that purpose. You only hope that while you sleep you don't slowly knock them out of the sweater and burn yourself on the hot rocks. It's nasty. Believe me.

I've seen snow here every single month of the year. It's crazy! Simple crazy!

So why do I live here? I often ask myself that lately. In fact we asked ourselves that every day we were in New Zealand. Do we have to live in Canada anymore? Can we move to New Zealand? Please?

But really. Why do I still live here where the cold is making me crazy and I am trapped in my home for months of the year? If I don't have a reason to go outside - I don't. I'm lucky that way. Being on a disability pension I don't - have to - go outside. And it's a good thing 'The Barn' is so big and I can wander the vastness like a huge ship I guess. But I'm not answering the question. Why do I live here? Why do I not move to some place warmer?

Firstly. My brother lives a 40 minute drive away. That keeps me tethered here, like a balloon on the wind. Just bobbing along. Now he's talking about moving, but not about moving somewhere that involves me. Oh well.

Secondly. The Man works a 40 minute drive away. Not that that would keep us here forever as he would change his workplace in a heartbeat.

Thirdly. There are NO SNAKES here!! Now to me that is VERY IMPORTANT!! It is TOO COLD here for snakes! Isn't that marvelous! Of course New Zealand doesn't have any snakes and oh how I would love to live in New Zealand! They don't have any bears either and we have bears! Oh my goodness do we have bears! And bears terrify me so I don't go where the bears are - but my brother lives close to where they are and that scares me on a regular basis. Of course when I go to my brother's for the summer season, then I am close to where those bears are too.....hmmmmm. BTW - we have Grizzly bears, and Black bears...Such Fun! Oh! We have Cougars too! Groan......

Fourth. I don't know if I have a fourth. The Man still works and that keeps us here for a while. Maybe that's all there is to it. Neither of us want to move back to southern Ontario. We both came from there and we don't want to go back. There are too many people there and not as much space. You can't see to the horizon as you can here. You can't drive for an hour and all of a sudden see The Rocky Mountains of Canada loom suddenly into view.

Yet there is this biting cold and all this snow. And all this snow is going to make for incredible flooding this year again. Which is going to change the rafting season once more.

Wow. I wonder what spring will bring.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The End of 2013

You know - at one time I honestly thought I'd never live long enough to see the end of 2013.

When I was young I swore I'd never live this long. I thought I had some strange weird disease that was going to kill me off before this year - turns out I'm a Celiac, and I control that via my diet. Otherwise I would be dead according to a doctor back in 1992. He gave me a 70% chance of survival back then.

But this year - this one was an extremely tough one for me. But I've overcome nearly most of what ails me do to wonderful surgeons and wonderful friends and loved ones and I am humbled because of them.

The New Year has rung in already for some of my loved ones.

First off in New Zealand for my dearest of dear ones. Michelle/Mickle's Pickle - who has gone through her own incredible journey - battling breast cancer alone and coming out the other side looking incredible gorgeous and like a warrior to me. When my own journey got very hard I thought of my Mickle who faced her days with determination and just got on with it - and she gave me the strength to get on with mine then, no matter how hard it might be.

Also in New Zealand is Fiona who is also battling her own new journey on her own. You go girl! I know you can. (sorry girl - I can't find a link to you!)

Over in the UK. is my dear friend Karen who rocks my world on almost a daily basis with our jewelry making attempts! She too has encouraged me to 'get on' and her 'poor luvvie's' have helped no end when I just felt I couldn't go any farther! Her world has turned into 2014 as well by now........

Hard to believe for me. I truly never thought I'd see it!

This past year I swore would be my last when I lost the ability to walk due to a cyst in my spinal column. The pain was so bad that I threatened the doctors that I would end my life if they wouldn't do anything. Even that wasn't enough to move them. I wasn't scheduled to see a neurosurgeon until August of 2014! I was in a wheelchair by this time and I finally parked myself in an Emergency and told them I wasn't moving until they did something.

I tell you - it's time to take your own health into your own hands and insist that they do something about it. I told the doctor who was 'looking after me in emergency' to quit being a doctor and look at me like I was her sister - well okay her Mother or okay - her Grandmother then - (she was really young) - and did she want her 'whatever' to be in this much pain and would she be willing to send her home knowing she would continue to suffer and only get worse? I dug in my heels and refused to move without seeing a neurosurgeon. Unfortunately it wasn't at a hospital that had any on staff but that didn't matter to me, my plan had been just to get admitted to any hospital at all.

So they shipped me off for Xrays and upstairs to a bed and after that it was a matter of contacting the neurosurgeons. Then when a doctor would come into the room and introduce himself/herself - I always asked for their first names and then I always talked to them on a first name basis. That way it made for an even playing ground and I wouldn't let them intimidate me or over-talk me. I made them talk to me in layman's terms so that I could understand everything. I also told them if I agreed with what they were doing or not as I had already been through so many trials and errors I felt it was useless going through the same stuff again and again and it wasn't until they noticed that my kidneys were failing and had been for some time (my ankles and knees were HUGE!) that they whisked me off to the hospital with the neurosurgeons and into surgery!

Now I am recovering from that emergency surgery that happened 3 days before my birthday so I got the gift of walking on my birthday! Best birthday present ever!!

Of course when I was sent home I immediately forgot the doctor's orders of no bending, twisting, or lifting and did it all at once without thinking. Now according to my doctors I have put my back into the place it was before the surgery and they won't know if I will need to have the same thing done again until I see them in clinic in February. Bah! That's what anti-inflammitories are for aren't they! And isn't that what everyone does? They immediately forget and do exactly what they aren't supposed to do? It's an automatic response when something falls right beside you that you especially don't want falling! Oh well! Onwards and upwards!

At least I can walk. I am more than grateful to those skillful hands of that wonderful young surgeon! He even apologized profusely for nicking my spinal cord - but the only thing that has changed is my sense of smell. It has only increased 100%, and believe me - that's not a good thing. Especially in a hospital!

Thankfully all the surgery is behind me now and I have good drugs to maintain me through the healing process. Like everywhere the problem is the lack of doctors. Our healthcare system needs more doctors. It's a terrible shame that the love of money draws a good doctor away from places that are in such desperate need of them. Yet we look at the places they go to where they become multimillionaires, and their healthcare system is horrifying! I would be bankrupt if I lived in the United States! And I just feel so sorry for them for all the upheaval and tumult that the country is going through over their healthcare. Baby steps, and growing pains. Nobody likes change. Especially when it is brought about by someone else. It's too bad, our system works fairly well and mostly we are very happy with it, we just need more doctors and less politicians who like to poke their fingers in without scrubbing up first.

Healthcare the world-wide is in desperate need of more doctors and more care-givers. I was blessed with some of the finest doctors and nurses I have ever had look after me for the three weeks I was in the hospital(s). Even on the days I did not want to get out of that bed and go have a shower - the one little nurse who kept at me would later wrap me in towels and dry my hair and then comb it out and put it in a little pony tail and then fuss over me like I was a little girl. Her patience and kindness amazed me! All of them did! I know it's hard to be a care-giver day in and day out and on the neurosurgery unit I think my heart would be breaking all the time. And they did it with smiles on their faces no matter what time of the day they were working. Bless them!

Now - here it is, almost 6am on New Year's Day and I am yammering away like Lucy Goosey! As the cyst grew in my spine I lost the ability to find the words I needed to speak with or to type with, so now that I have that back again I am almost like a kid with a new toy sometimes - you can't shut me up!

That may be a good thing. I have vowed (once again I know) to take up The Wailings to those of you who know I have been writing it all these years, and to seriously make an effort this year and to finish it. With that in mind I hope to put a bit of my writing here in this blog for you. As I recall, and quite vividly, as that is what stopped me in the first place, I was at the place where The Beater had come into my life and I was trying to put into words the relationship and the beatings that took place. At the time of my writing back then it was impossible for me to do that. I'm hoping now that with my new back - and OH YES - I DO blame (The Beater) my back on him - not completely - but I do blame him so much for the damage to my back! But now that I have a new one - I'm hoping that I can now write about the damage he did to it!

What say you? Do you think I shall overcome? I do! I know I am far stronger than that Lilly-livered thing of my past!

Oh yes! I've got my words back!

And welcome 2014! I think you and I have a date for destiny!


Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Time For Another Rant

I've come to realize that the world is a messy place. I don't mean this beautiful blue ball floating through time and space, but its inhabitants. And messy isn't really the word I want here (some help here Rachel) - but there are so many that are cruel and insidious. Who love to take the joy out of someone's simple pleasures in life. Who - because they have no way of leaving a beautiful statement of their life, must therefore leave a smear, a stink, a black mark, putrid-ness and decay. 

I know everyone is wondering what has happened to make me suddenly post such statements, so let me explain.

The other day I was reading comments that some of you have left here, and I was sickened by the SPAM I discovered.

At first I thought it was just a few that had managed to sneak in and lay some foul smelling eggs in my little hen house. But since Blogger has so helpfully come up with more options and tricks, I soon discovered that in my absence the coop was almost full to the brim with their crap!

There were almost 6000 SPAM comments stinking up the Big Blue Barn!

Not only was I dismayed, but I must confess that I was also ashamed that I had left the door open for the vermin to waltz right in and squat. I had left my defences wide open with my refusal to set the guards at the gate.

Yes - I hate word verification.

Why is that?

It seems so long ago and far away, but at one time I faithfully read a large number of blogs every morning. That adds up to a lot of time. And as a good blogger, I wanted to leave a comment to let the writers know that I had been there and appreciated their words and thoughts and pictures. I'd dash off a (hopefully) thoughtful comment and hit enter with glee - only to be stopped by a word verification!
Arghhhhhh! And while I could hear the music from Jeopardy start up, I fumbled with my fingers and squinted at blurry numbers while the clock ticked on behind me. Inevitably I would forget a capital or mistake a 3 for an E or an 8 and I'd have to start all over again. Sometimes, in utter frustration, I'd try to make out the mumbling that was supposed to help me figure out the words and numbers but apparently I don't speak that language and comment moderation left me feeling cheated. I wanted to see my comment pop right up there - an instant gratification to assure me that it would be seen and perhaps commented on. But honestly? I knew that I would forget to go back and check on what the author thought of my comment, and eventually the need to appease would fade from my memory.

So it is with great sadness and a lot of anger that I have hired the guards and they now patrol the gate to the Big Blue Barn.

And to you 6000 SPAMMERS out there who want to smear your stink and foulness across the land -  can you see this finger?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

To All My Friends


I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly.  As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my  patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with ageing.
 

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love  ....... I will.

 
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.  They, too, will get old.
 

I  know I am sometimes forgetful.   But there again, some of life is just as  well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
  

 
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.  How can your heart not   break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?   But broken  hearts are  what give us strength and understanding and  compassion.   A heart  never broken is pristine and sterile and  will  never know the joy of  being imperfect.

 
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning grey, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
 
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As  you get older, it is easier to be positive.  You care less about what other people think.  I don't question myself  anymore..   I've even earned the right to be wrong.
 

 
So,  to  answer your question, I like being old.  It has set me free.   I  like the person I have become..  I am not going to live forever,  but while  I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what  could  have been,  or worrying about what will be.  And I shall  eat dessert every single day  (if I feel like it).


MAY  OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S  STRAIGHT  FROM THE  HEART!
       

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Hello Hello Hello!

It seems like ages and ages - and looking back it really is - since I wrote anything or even visited someone here in blogland. I feel rather miserable about it all as well. I know it only takes a few lines to reach out and put a smile on someone's face, and that being said I've also grown rather rubbish at emails as well.

They call it Brain Fog - or Fibro Fog - a side effect of Fibromyalgia. Ho Hum. Add to that the morphine patch I now need to wear and sometimes my brain is really confused and feels heavy. Like the top of my head weighs at least a ton and I envision a cartoon image of myself with my body bent over and the top of my head huge and resting on the ground. I agree totally - it's an odd image!

Never mind though. I've got plenty of audio books to help me keep my brain working and paying attention to something. Otherwise it does have a tendency to wander off and I find myself all in a blather about absolutely nothing and I can't even remember why!

Enough of that.

What I would love is to hear from everyone on how YOU are doing!

I feel as if I've missed so much of my friend's lives...and I really have. All of you live so far away but you are still in my heart.

So take as much space as you want and fill me in on what has been happening and how you are feeling. If you don't want everyone to know - then just email me! I agree there are some things that you just don't want the whole world to know - but it's okay to share with a friend.

I truly hope that I'll be able to get here more and do some more writing.  And - I need to tell you about our wonderful trip to New Zealand!

xoxox
aims

Monday, October 15, 2012

Please Help and Sign This Petition for Gluten Free Labelling!


I know this seems strange - making my way back into the blogosphere by asking for signatures on a petition which is near and dear to me.

I know I've been extremely quiet during the last year - hardly a word out of me or a visit to all my blogging friends.

Instead, I have the nerve to jump right back into the world of blogging without even a wave or 'hello!' or a show and tell!

Nope.

What I'm doing is asking you to sign the petition for Gluten-Free labeling on the White House Website.

In 1992 I was diagnosed as a celiac. It was the summer I had lost 50 pounds without even trying. The summer where the doctor told my mother that my chances for dying from this disease were good.
I was fading away - quickly - with nothing ahead of me but incredible pain and the view of my bathroom.

That doctor saved my life that day and got me started on a gluten-free diet which is what I will always be on until I die.

Now, twenty years later, I am still struggling with making sure my diet is totally gluten-free and I can't always do that because of the lack of a labeling law that forces food manufactures to honestly declare what is in their product and put it on their labels.

Sounds simple doesn't it? But it isn't. There are many ways that manufacturers can get around this by 'omitting' certain factors and turning their heads and crossing their fingers behind their backs.
Paul Seelig received an 11 year prison sentence after he was caught selling regular bread as 'gluten-free'. And I was one of many who stood on a chair a cheered!

Being a Celiac doesn't just mean that if I eat gluten then I'm just going to have a really sore tummy, incredible stomach cramps, and diarrhea. Like any disease the effects and symptoms are endless with more being discovered all the time
.
So when I read my Celiac.com newsletter this morning and discovered that there is a petition for 'Gluten-Free' labeling on the White House Website, I jumped on it.

But I'm just one person with one vote and at present this petition needs 15,310 votes to reach the 25,000 petitions it needs by November 1, 2012.

So please help. It only takes one minute. That's one minute that could keep so many people from unknowingly ingesting what to them is poison.

Thank you.

 

Petition for Gluten-Free Labeling on White House Website

Celiac.com 10/08/2012 - Since 2004 when Congress passed the Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act, sufferers of celiac disease have awaited some sort of finalized action from the FDA to set a rule for gluten-free labeling. The FDA proposed a gluten-free food labeling rule in 2007 and since then, there have been multiple open comment periods for it, but as of yet, there has been no finalized action to control gluten-free labeling in food products. In an effort to expedite this process, “Jennifer I” of Sebastopol, CA started a petition on the White House's official website.
Part of the concern driving this petition stems from the fact that for many, the gluten-free diet is one of necessity, not of choice. 'Gluten-free' has become something of a new marketing buzzword, as the diet's popularity has grown dramatically in recent years. This makes labeling more important than ever: companies seeking to cash in on a growing market may be tempted to cut corners and label products as gluten-free, when in fact they are not.
Supposedly, the FDA will be finalizing their rule sometime this year. Whether or not they stick to that time frame, this petition is a quick and easy way of putting more pressure on the federal government to finalize a gluten-free labeling rule.
Source:

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I'm Home Again - Tired - But Home Again

We are home once more from our trip to the North Island of New Zealand!

When they say that 'words cannot describe' - it's true. There are no words that can accurately describe the beauty that is New Zealand.

Once I've got over my jet-lag though - I'll try.

Believe me when I say that neither of us wanted to leave. No matter how much we love The Big Blue Barn and no matter how much I love my brother David - I would have stayed. In a split second. I even begged the scanners and security people to find something wrong so that I would have to be detained.

That's the way it is.

Later, when I get my breath back, I'll also tell you of our meeting in Wellington with my very dear to my heart Michelle from Mickle's Pickle and then to meet her later again that week in Tauranga at her parent's place. What a wonderful and joyful week that was! If you are reading this dear Mickle - know that I love you!

I'll be back soon with tales from New Zealand.