Thursday, May 22, 2008

'The Man' Tales - In a Quandary

Voting is still going on at The Best of Blogs. All votes for BigBlueBarnWest in Best Inspirational Blog category are gratefully appreciated! I don't know how much longer voting is going to continue - but a daily vote is required to keep me in the lead.....YIKES!! (someone is catching up!)

I was in a quandary. I was terrified of leaving the house and going to Edmonton to be with Cid after his surgery. One of my mother’s staff was married to a doctor. When he heard that Cid was having a kidney removed – he highly recommended that I be there. I promptly forgot about my own problems and made the decision to be with Cid.

With a map to the hospital on the passenger’s seat, I made the 2 hour drive to Edmonton. Arriving around noon, I negotiated my way through the traffic and found the hospital without any problem. I never even thought about my nervousness of driving in the snow or the fact that I had rarely driven my car in almost a year. Instead I had the presence of mind to park in a parking lot that allowed a vehicle for long hours and made my way into the hospital. I never hesitated when I had to inquire about which room Cid was in and when I found it and discovered he wasn’t out of surgery yet, I went to find the recovery room.

I leaned against the wall outside the recovery room for over an hour and thought about Cid. His doctor had waved off his complaints for over a year about peeing blood – and it had come to this. I knew Cid was too soft spoken and unaware of what it took to get a doctor to pay attention to a person’s complaints. Before my mental breakdown I had told him he needed to insist that the doctor do some more tests. But he had done his usual shrug of his shoulders and let it go. I wondered how he could be such a good lawyer and yet be so meek and mild mannered.

After an hour I began walking up and down the hall, unwilling to go very far in case they brought him out of recovery. He had no idea that I was at the hospital. I hadn’t told him I would be coming because I wanted to see the smile on his face when I surprised him. I knew what that smile would look like and it brought a smile to my own lips and tears to my eyes. Closing my eyes I brought up the memory of what his kisses were like and how his lips tasted. I thought of the feel of his hand holding mine and how his arm felt around my shoulders. When I was almost on the verge of breaking down because of my fear of losing him, I heard the doors swing open behind me.

A gurney came into sight and all I could see were bags and tubes and machines. Then I saw feet covered with those blue hospital blankets. The other two gurneys that had come through those doors had held strangers who were whisked away to the surgical ward. As I craned my head forward in search of a face, I sent up a prayer that this one would be Cid. The patient had his head turned in the other direction and I hurried along beside the gurney in an effort to catch a glimpse of whoever lay on this rolling bed. Suddenly his head turned towards me and our eyes met. My heart skipped a beat followed by a sharp pang when his face lit up as I leaned in and he was able to make out that it was me. Ignoring the IV lines he reached out and clasped my hand and held it tight as they rolled him along.

“Aims,” he said. “It’s cancer”.

23 comments:

Daryl said...

AAAAAAAAAARGH .... your killing me here, aims ...

:-Daryl

Leatherdykeuk said...

How dreadful!

softinthehead said...

What next?! OMG aims pour Cid - I am just going to cross my finers and toes and hope for the best....

Nora said...

Oh God, I hate it, it's too much!

Maggie May said...

Blasted cancer!

dND said...

I just can't believe it aims, how can fate be so cruel

lisa marie said...

The worst words to hear. :(

Momma said...

OMG - I hope that he had good news in the end. I know some survivors of kidney cancer and I know that it can be done. I'm hoping he is a survivor...Peace - D

Joy T. said...

I love reading your commenters comments. My how you do torment them so. It's just amazing how you knew to be there for Cid at that exact time when he needed you the most. After devastating news like that, he was probably so relieved to have you there with him.

The Lehners in France said...

Oh aims I'm so sorry. Cancer is such a terrible disease, why do doctors ignore symptoms. If they are out of their depth they should refer immediately! Bob always refers if he knows he doesn't have the necessary equipment, and he's dealing with animals! I hope he pulls through aims, both you and he deserve good news. Love Debs x
P.S I'm still voting.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Aims, how awful. And I'm still voting too. Margie

travelling, but not in love said...

OK, you did it. you made me cry.

Beckie said...

OMG, what a roller coaster.

I've missed a few posts - my Bloglines was down and I have been missing my feeds. I'm back now.

Living the Dream said...

Gosh I have been away for a while but I'm back now and caught up with you. I can't believe it!!!!! I will be blogging myself soon. LOTS been going on as you know.

CrazyCath said...

Oh dear God Aims I have read a marathon of posts to catch up. What a rollercoaster.
Cid's need for you and your need to be with him suddenly kick started the next phase of recover only to hear this. I really really hope that there is some justice at the end of this tale.

I come now and again because I need to be strong enough to read it. I can identify with so much, yet have never been to where you have been.

I am soooo with you. Please believe that. My absence is not abandonment - I just need and want to be able to give you and this blog the time it so richly deserves. I could never come over and skim through this.

Apart from the content, your style of writing is so absorbing, I need the time to let it soak in. Brilliant posting. I so hope it is helping you and that the writing is cathartic and healing. (((HUGS)))

CrazyCath said...

PS. I'm still voting!

aims said...

Daryl, Leatherdykeuk, SITH, Nora, Maggie, Dnd, Lisa - Believe me when I say I understand totally how you are feeling after reading this.

Momma - It's good to hear there are survivors of this.

Joy - He was surprised to see me and so happy to have me hold his hand. I'm so glad I went.

Debs - I don't know why doctors do this but so many people slip through the cracks. It's a shame.

Margie - Thanks!! I obviously need all the votes I can get all of a sudden.

TBNIL - I'm really sorry sweetie. It does hurt to get emotionally involved in a story and then hear this.

Beckie - I've been wondering where you were! Glad you are back and in the groove again.

Hazel - So good to see you again my friend! I've been missing your blog and hearing from you. I hope everything is much better than it was.

Crazycath - Girl - I understand completely. You come when you can and you vent over at your place all you want. I know that reading or watching events that involve someone having mental problems always makes me cry and I get upset. So I'm with you on this one. And Girl! Thanks for the vote!!

bichonpawz said...

I'm so glad that you found the strength and courage to go to him when he needed you. I am praying for both of you now...

Melanie said...

I'm so glad you had the inner strength to get to the hospital for Cid. Poor him though and what a dreadful negligent Dr he had!

Milla said...

have just been to vote again. Tragic, Aims, but my friend recovered from Kidney C so all bits crossed for C.

Stinking Billy said...

aims, baby, when you can handle that sort of news from so close a friend, you can face almost anything. What's more, you deserve everybody to vote for you every day, forever! xx

Breezy said...

Poor Cid I bet it meant the world to him though seeing you there

Mima said...

I'm so glad that you found the strength to be there for both of you. Firstly for you to be strength for him, but also because had you not been there you would have regretted it terribly once you realised that he needed you.