Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Blog - Therefore I Am





I have just come from reading Dangers Online as referred by Daryl via Fat and Frumpy via The Don Mills Diva.

I am – to say the least – insulted. Add a touch of angry and perhaps a bit of furious to that.

I am not writing this blog to titillate you with my failings and anguish in life. I am not writing this blog to make you feel sorry for me. Nor am I writing this blog to attract more readers.

I don’t write about suicide and depression and abuse in an effort to get more hits and comments.

So why do I write it? For myself? Partly yes.

But more for others who have or are going through what I have experienced and have nowhere to turn and feel isolated in their pain. For those people who don’t want to tell anyone ‘face to face’ that they were beaten and humiliated by an abuser. That they took all the pills in their house and had to have charcoal pumped into their stomach and then puked black all over the attendants. That they stood at the tub with razor in hand or tried to tie a noose that would be effective.

Who wants to say these things out loud? And who do you tell? Someone who is going to run screaming down the lane or who whips out a wooden cross and backs away from you?

No. You hide – alone – scared – defeated.

You secretly search online for anything that might talk about how you are feeling.

And here I am. Writing about it. Admitting it. Telling everyone that these things are real – that people go through this.

It’s not shameful. It’s not evil. I’m not someone who should be in a straightjacket.

And I’m willing to blog about it.

If people think I’m doing this for the accolades – they are wrong.

There aren’t any accolades. There aren’t any book deals.

What there is comes pouring down the line in words that make you want to cry – to reach out and try and hug others who have suffered in the same or similar ways.

What there is is an abundance of pain and anguish locked behind silent lips that only open when they think they are invisible.

There is nothing wrong with this. We need to speak out. To reach out. To say we hurt just like everyone else. To try and offer advice or acknowledge that you have gone through exactly the same thing and come out the other side.

If we can only do this via a keyboard and an internet connection – so be it. At least we are saying it – revealing it. At least we are not alone anymore.

I blog. I am human.

26 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Good for you honey, I'm flying the flag too. x

Maggie May said...

Yes....... you are doing it for others. People who know you, already know that Aims. X

Mark Wadsworth said...

I'd express it thusly: "I think, therefore I 'blog".

Otherwise it sort of means that without 'blogging you'd be nobody. But each to his (or her) own, I suppose.

donmillsdiva said...

Beautiful.

There are so many reasos why we express ourselves in this way and they all deserve respect.

aims said...

Mark - taken literally you are absolutely correct.

I suppose I should have labelled it: I Blog - So What

Junebug said...

Amen, sister!

Chapati said...

Thanks Aims :-)

bermudabluez said...

AMEN Indeed! Good for you Aims!! You have some real positive people behind you....don't you ever forget that!!

Leatherdykeuk said...

I blog for publicity and I'm not afraid to admit it but I've never thought that of you. I've actually directed people to your site because you talk a lot of sense about depression. Go you!

rosiero said...

I'm right behind you all the way!!!

Lane said...

Well put Aims!

Melanie said...

Hia Aims, I just read the article. It sounds like a bit of a reaction to the break up of a royal girlfriend's relationship and how she went public on-line with it. The rest was more padding mainly along baby-blog lines. Those by their very nature are more revealing than most other sorts.

It was interesting to read about the negative effects of blogging but the article only mentioned one blogger who earns a lot from it. I know of other bloggers who have books out or who have contributed to books purely because of their blog presence. This wasn't really covered well.

In an age where increasingly you don't know your neighbour and have little in common with them if you did, why is it wrong in this reporter's eyes to seek out people you do have something in common with? Most people are careful to only put down what they are comfy with.

You push your own comfort levels by the very nature of your sort of reaching out to help others, who like you said may not be able to talk to those around them.

You go gal! If the reporter doesn't blog then I don't think he can really understand what support Blogland can offer. The small supportive village communities are long gone and filled with commuters. Blogland I think has replaced that need.

Mean Mom said...

Everyone who reads your posts knows that you blog for the very best of reasons. No need to worry, on that score.

I see blogging as another way of communicating, for those who like to write and read. Once upon a time I used to write letters and I had pen pals. I see blogging as a similar thing, although, occasionally, in my posts, I have a try at entertaining people, as well as detailing events and feelings in my life.

Mickle in NZ said...

ooo - has me very "annoyed" .

You have reached out to me with such care, and I'm such a recent friend.

You are amazing, and deliver much to many, including those who may be facing even a litle of what you had to live with, yet you still offer hope.

Perhaps there is a need for learning "comprehension". whatever their school systems may deliver.

I deliver care, concern, much love and hope, plus my huggles from Wellington

Daryl said...

MUAAAAAAAAAAH!

Potty Mummy said...

Good for you. Ignore them. And keep going - you are doing people who can't vocalise it all a power of good, I'm sure. x

Living the Dream said...

Well done aims. For me, you have helped me understand someone very close to me, because when you have someone who suffers from depression you can't possibly understand unless you have been there and I thank God I haven't. Thank you aims for helping me to understand.

CrazyCath said...

Well said Aims.
Your thoughts.
Your blog.

Good for you girl.

Barbara Martin said...

Do not concern yourself with others. Sometimes words just need to be said before the healing process can begin.

By stepping up and commenting on your life will make it easier for the next person. For that, I thank you.

dawn said...

I don't agree with the article either. I think there may be some out there just blogging for the celebrity of it all, but most people blog for a record of their life, to help others, to connect with others, like having a few pen pals.

Ginaagain said...

Good for you! You are a strong voice speaking out for the weak and you deserve a huge amount of respect.

Moonroot said...

I think what you write is both brave and deeply compassionate. Speaking as someone who has recently struggled with depression, I find it very helpful.

Biddie said...

Amen.
You have done more for me than you will ever know.

Brett said...

Got to agree with you.

the eternal worrier said...

I’ve been following your blog with interest over the last few months and have read the Times article. To read about other peoples problems brings us all down to earth and helps to remind that there’s always someone worse off. I went through a very dark period of my life in 2007 and would have appreciated hearing from others who may have been going through the same. If I had had a blog of my own then, I’m sure it would have helped me even if I’d been posting to no one. Blogging has enabled all us ordinary people who are never going to have articles published in the Times to have a voice. I say to you ... Blog on.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

You will never be alone, dear friend.

CJ xx