Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I Blog - Therefore I Am
I have just come from reading Dangers Online as referred by Daryl via Fat and Frumpy via The Don Mills Diva.
I am – to say the least – insulted. Add a touch of angry and perhaps a bit of furious to that.
I am not writing this blog to titillate you with my failings and anguish in life. I am not writing this blog to make you feel sorry for me. Nor am I writing this blog to attract more readers.
I don’t write about suicide and depression and abuse in an effort to get more hits and comments.
So why do I write it? For myself? Partly yes.
But more for others who have or are going through what I have experienced and have nowhere to turn and feel isolated in their pain. For those people who don’t want to tell anyone ‘face to face’ that they were beaten and humiliated by an abuser. That they took all the pills in their house and had to have charcoal pumped into their stomach and then puked black all over the attendants. That they stood at the tub with razor in hand or tried to tie a noose that would be effective.
Who wants to say these things out loud? And who do you tell? Someone who is going to run screaming down the lane or who whips out a wooden cross and backs away from you?
No. You hide – alone – scared – defeated.
You secretly search online for anything that might talk about how you are feeling.
And here I am. Writing about it. Admitting it. Telling everyone that these things are real – that people go through this.
It’s not shameful. It’s not evil. I’m not someone who should be in a straightjacket.
And I’m willing to blog about it.
If people think I’m doing this for the accolades – they are wrong.
There aren’t any accolades. There aren’t any book deals.
What there is comes pouring down the line in words that make you want to cry – to reach out and try and hug others who have suffered in the same or similar ways.
What there is is an abundance of pain and anguish locked behind silent lips that only open when they think they are invisible.
There is nothing wrong with this. We need to speak out. To reach out. To say we hurt just like everyone else. To try and offer advice or acknowledge that you have gone through exactly the same thing and come out the other side.
If we can only do this via a keyboard and an internet connection – so be it. At least we are saying it – revealing it. At least we are not alone anymore.
I blog. I am human.