Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Where Does Love Go?

Some loves just never end. Those true, great, loves that neither death, nor time, nor circumstance can put out. Where the pain neither fades nor subsides with the passage of time. Where time is only a way to get to the next phase – the one where you will be together again.

Sure your life changes and you adjust to the next event in your life and bittersweet is something you’d rather have in a chocolate than in a memory. Sure you learn to laugh and even to love again. But it’s never in the same way again. Never.

There are always those times when you turn a corner and think – oh! is that him? Or you’re in a crowd and you think you hear his voice. Your mind trips on a word and remembers a phrase. The phone rings and you think that when you pick it up he’s going to say – Oh hi Aims. It’s Cid.

Tonight I watched a movie called ‘P.S. I Love You'. A story about a woman who loses her husband to a brain tumour and how he writes her letters before he dies and he sends them to her for a year afterwards. At the end of the movie she says she can’t feel him anymore and I thought – how could you not? How can a great love just vanish from your life because a year has passed? How can you forget the feel of him or the taste of him or the sound of his voice?

It has been almost 8 years since Cid died and I remember everything about him. Even the smell of his clothes. Some days – most days – are like he just was here and has just died. I see him all the time in people. I hear his voice in my head whenever I need to and often just out of the blue. That man has his lips, that other one his eyes. Here’s his smile – and the trees echo his voice as he whispers my name.

The tears are forever too. My eyes give way to my memories and someone would think the funeral was just last week perhaps if they didn’t know me. And movies such as this one will bring it out again and I will go to bed weeping. Tomorrow I will wake and look in the mirror at the sadness that has become a permanent part of my face and I’ll go and stand and look at his picture for a while - remembering yesterdays like they are todays.

No. Great loves never die. They just wait.

38 comments:

Brett said...

Reading your words last week lead to 3 days of posts on my blog, and took me to places i had not been in some time, thanks. Great love never dies (or packs up and leave you for your best friend) the person may do, but the feeling never.

Valleys Mam said...

It doesnt die, it just as you say produces a process of change and reflection. I think that after a time its healthy to move on from that chapter in your life as more chapters need to be written,new experiences to be had and yes new love to be found. I found it , true it took a while and I wasnt even looking - I found my new soul mate 15 years after my husband died. Yes I had relationships, made friends etc . Then this very different man entered my life- new chapter, may be even a new book , very different from the first one, but just as wonderful

Leatherdykeuk said...

Lovely post. You're quite right.

Melanie said...

Hi Aims, I don't think you ever "get over" true love, but over time it is easier to accept their lack of presence in your life as other things become more important. Yes there is still an ache- worse on anniversaries- where there is a "them shaped" gap in your life. But you do learn to live again, and feel again and eventually love again.

Irene said...

My mother died, my father died and my son died. I can't replace any of them with a new father, a new mother, a new son. Of all three of them, my son is the closest I can get to a true love, although it is not comparable to a romantic love. He still lives for me every day and in my heart has never died. His presence is as real as that of a bird in the sky and a leaf on a tree. He is in all of nature. He is also in all the young men I see walk past me when I am in town and I hear him in any American voice being spoken by all the foreign college students who live here. I carry him in my heart as if he is a real entity, immortal and forever alive and happy, because I know that more than anything, that's what he wants me to be, happy. So that is what I strive for, every day. For his sake.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

You are so right. My dad will remain proof of that.

CJ xx

rosiero said...

Hi Aims. Such an emotional post. You are so right. Great loves never die. I think after a death, you surf waves of emotion which get less and less with time, but the waves still keep on coming after you least expect them, even if the distance between them gets longer. A smell, or voice, or taste or piece of music can often act as a trigger. Like Crystal, my Dad is still with me, even though he died in 2001.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who lost her daughter 23, I think, years ago. It is like a recent event. The loss hasn't dimmed for her. I usually am at a loss for consolation, usually around this time of the year. Her daughter passed away at age 5 on Sept. 19. Last week was really bad for her. So sad. That really was a great post. Maybe it will help me say some right things in the future. Thanks Margie

Lane said...

Sometimes Aims, I don't know what to say after I've read your posts and some of the comments. So sad.

Akelamalu said...

I lost my Mum, then two grandchildren aged 5 and 3 within three weeks of each other, yet I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I were to lose MyWonderfulMan I would never get over it. I know what you say is true without having experienced it. :(

Akelamalu said...

PS There's an award for you at my place m'dear, please drop by and collect it. x

A Spot of T said...

This very subject came up tonight as I was having supper with a friend. There really is no time limit on grief. One person can move on after a year and others will grieve until the day they die. I personally would be in the latter category. Great post Aims.

Stinking Billy said...

aims, baby, in a way, Cid was a lucky man. We should all be loved so much while we are living, and remembered so often after we have gone.

Mima said...

Oh Aims, I have never lost a great love, so I really don't know what to say that might help, but I would love to have the right words to say to you. Make sure that you hold onto what you have now though - & don't lose sight of that.

travelling, but not in love said...

Yeah, you're right. the person goes, the love doesn't.

To this day I still think 'oh, I must ring my dad and tell him that' but he's been dead for 8 years now....

Awful and weird, but so much better to have loved.

Daryl said...

Love never dies .. its always inside us to pull out and revisit ... anytime we need to

:-Daryl

Cheryl said...

Where does the love go? What do you do with the love? You do exactly what you are doing, keeping it in your heart, your body and all your senses. He is still with you, always will be a part of you and the memories will help sustain you through this grief.
XXXXX

dawn said...

Another great post.

bermudabluez said...

Totally right, Aims. Great True Love. Forever.

TSannie said...

Oh aims - Cid may be gone physically from your life, but he's with you always spiritually and looking after you and yours.

Lovely lovely words as always.

Irene said...

Hi Aims, I've got an award for you. Come and get it.

Mean Mom said...

That was a beautiful, moving post, with some lovely comments, too. You tap in to so many people's emotions on your site. I just have to mop up my tears, now!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

It's always there. Maybe the edges are a little smoother...but maybe not. I see my grandmother at least once a week in a patient who comes in. It's painful and comforting all at the same time.

Junebug said...

Oh Aims. I have only lost my dad last year but I see him in lots of things. I brought his rocks and petrified wood to my garden. I have little pictures in the house here and there. There are places I can go like Cracker Barrel and my gosh he's there. He listed his six children as heirs and the other day I received a royalty check from a gas lease from him. So when I went to bed last night I said, "thanks, Dad." I have so many good memories of him.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

How wonderful that you experienced that deep love. It is the most beautiful feeling to be loved like that and love him back like that. Some people never experience it, no highs, no lows. How awful. Hugs x

Butch Boo said...

Lovely, and no love never dies. Maybe sometimes it changes shape. I hate it when people say "Time heels" or "you'll get over it". We just kind of get used to the pain.

BB

Nunhead Mum of One said...

You are so right, great love never dies even if your great love is not with you physically. They are everywhere. Sending you lots of love xxxx

david mcmahon said...

It NEVER dies.

Millennium Housewife said...

Beautiful. Achingly, wonderously yet painfully beautiful. Who knew what love could be? MH

CrazyCath said...

"bittersweet is something you’d rather have in a chocolate than in a memory..."

You paint the feelings so well.

You will see him again.In the next world. You will.

Fire Byrd said...

Your so right love doesn't go away it just hides to catch us out when were not looking. I still miss my mum and dad, and for that matter my dog. And I have quite a lot of grief about my lost breast.
I'm sorry you are still hurting it's a tough place to be.

lisaschaos said...

Sweet, and bitter, my memories fade. Maybe you in a rare category that can hold like that? I loved that movie, even though it made me cry.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I can't tell you exactly why, but this post opened the flood gates. What a beautiful beautiful post.
I came through David.

Maggie May said...

I don't think you ever forget. I will always remember a close friend who died when I was in my forties. My Mum, my Dad. Other people have come & gone, they are never forgotten.
Lovely post. Meaningful and beautifully written.

BT said...

Beautifully written as always, aims. You must hurt so badly. Hugs from me,
BT
xx

The W.O.W. factor said...

What a warm heartfelt post. I lost my beloved brother-in-law coming on 8 yrs...he was closer to Cowboy and I than any other family member....we too still talk to him, see him around us..his picture has a special presence in our home & hearts...I dust it with love, share our memoris, and everytime...the tears still fall...

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