Friday, July 31, 2009

Abuse Comes in Many Guises

I know it may sound odd to some of you people who have come to know me as that 'nice aims' who writes about surviving a life of abuse and mental illness and about New Orleans - but I have another side to me that few of you will ever get to know and probably for a good reason.

Most people aren't going to get the chance to get on my wrong side. Those who have crossed the line with me have experienced what happens and those who haven't - well - if you want to remain on the other side ......

So let me get this out there. Because right now I have to.

Having been abused for far too long in my life - and for suffering mentally because of it - I now have a cut-off point. I can smile and smile for a long time - taking it on the chin as they say - taking it and putting it away for a rainy day. Then one day - and you never know when that day is going to happen - but one day I'm not going to take it anymore. Once I reach that point - then we're done as friends. Very rarely - and I do mean very rarely - do I acquiesce and take up the friendship again. In fact to do so I need plenty of proof that the line isn't going to be forced ever again if I am even going to consider doing so.

Now - people like me - well - we have this arrow over our heads that says - "kick here for much fun". For some reason - there are some people out there that see beneath the smile and see a form of weakness that they like to take advantage of and abuse. They like to think that they have reasons to do so - and that they are going to get away with it - because I hide what I am thinking behind a smile for a long time. I'll even let you get a few kicks in because I'm just like that. I do have that little weak area that is susceptible and like the weakling on the beach it is easy to kick sand in my face.

However - I'm only going to eat sand for so long from so many and then it's game over. I'm not playing anymore.

For those of you out there who think people like me are fun to bully around or even push around - watch out. We're not so fun on the flip side. We're not fun at all.

And once you cross the line with me - believe me - it's no-man's land.

Think about your actions before you take them. Some of us are tired of the abuse - the misuse - the taking for granted - for the uncaring attitudes. Some of us just aren't going to play anymore. And it's your loss - not mine.

25 comments:

bermudabluez said...

Sometimes you just have to get it out there! You go girl!

TSannie said...

I certainly hope if we ever meet randomly on some street you will see the smile and slight nod I send your way. I try to do that to anyone whose eyes meet mine. Not because I'm so uppity, but because it's how I'd like to be first treated. Open book here.
And it would be nice to meet someday. Maybe in NYC with Daryl. ;-)

Maggie May said...

Oh, Aims, I hope we never come to blows!I would hate that.
I wonder what has brought this on? Has someone upset you? I hope not.

I have just noticed your last post with the lovely necklace and pottery. Somehow I must have missed that one!

dND said...

Aims, I hope those who have hurt you take note of the post. They will be the losers, missing out on you perception and eloquence.

Hope everything else is going well.

Deborah x

Leatherdykeuk said...

Ach! Someone's hurt you? So sorry for their loss.

Lola said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog so regularly - I hardly ever leave comments, as you know! But I recognise your feelings in this post. There's a limit to how much we can be pushed around.

Valleys Mam said...

Have people been abusing u on your blog Aims ?
Its easy to be nasty when you hide behind anon or a made up name.
And you right abuse is pernicious
Often people fail to notice it happening under their nose.
This drip drip drip of undermining and caustic comment is so damaging.
I have a good friend who after years of this from her "lovely attentive "husband has finally divorced him. sadly most people couldn't understand why she wanted out.
Like you she has really found her voice -I am so glad.

softinthehead said...

Oh dear I wonder what brought that on. I will do everything I can to stay on your "nice" side aims ! But I know what you mean - there is only so much one can take and then we have to stand up for ourselves

Mickle in NZ said...

Dear Aims,

with you all the way,

Mickle xoxoxoxox

The Green Stone Woman said...

I hope you reach the right person, Aims, otherwise you're scaring a whole bunch of people here. I hope your abuser reads your blog, it won't help much, unless you're just venting.

Leslie: said...

I finally figured out that all my life I've felt like one of those blow-up clowns. You punch them down and I keep popping up.

But...as you say, one day someone will pop a hole in that clown and I will stay down. Then it will take all I have to get up again, but the one who pushed me down will no longer be part of my life.

I've found my breaking point and glad you've found yours.

We really must try to meet.

Dr.John said...

I feel bad that your hurting. I have appreciated your blog and your comments on my blog. I certainly would hate to see that end.

Dr.John said...

I feel bad that your hurting. I have appreciated your blog and your comments on my blog. I certainly would hate to see that end.

NEO-CONDUIT said...

I hear you loud and clear. It about learning good boundaries, tolerating less, and holding onto what you believe in. I too no longer sit back and be walked over. It not that we attract those types, like a wounded deer a lion will pounce upon easy prey. I wipe people completely when they over step the mark one too many times. They are usually shocked (even if have been warned) because they just expect you to put up with it time after time.
I value, love, respect and am loyal to those closest to me, if it is always one sided then ...see you later!!!!
Good post!

sallymandy said...

Your post reminds me of the saying, "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." This is a hard lesson to learn, but we do have to draw lines. Some people just aren't safe or good for us.

I certainly hope you're not getting poor treatment on your blog.

Thank you aims for your recent visit to my blog. Best wishes to you...! xo

aims said...

Thank you everyone!

I just wanted to say that all the poor treatment is not from my blog but from people I interact with in 'real'(?) life.

But thank you for all the emails and comments of concern. I truly appreciate all of them. It's amazing how lovely and caring 'virtual friends' are compared to 'real life'. I have not heard word one from the perpetrators. Typical isn't it?

Akelamalu said...

Some people take great pleasure in hurting others - they don't deserve to be tolerated. I'm glad it's no-one in the blogosphere that has crossed you Aims. :)

Daryl said...

Late to the party ... but I think you know me well enough to know what you see is what you get ... I hope whoever or whatever riled you has backed off .. cause I dont let any take advantage of my friends ....

Popkins said...

Am with you all the way. Some people are just so selfish, inconsiderate, cruel and take advantage of a kind heart. It's good you vented and like everyone says, it's their loss, Aims.

I gotta figure a way to put my pic up here and be one of your fans.

xoxoxo

Polergirl said...

I too reach a cut off point from which there is no going back. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it is for life. People are always taken aback when I reach that point and try to make me feel as though I have over-reacted. It is NOT over-reacting, it is standing up for your right to choose who you want to associate with. And who you don't. It is your right to self-respect, your choice for what is best for you. The best choice you can make for you, is to avoid people who make you feel bad.

Hugs. x

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Powerful post my friend. You're a good person, a very good person. Why anyone would want to abuse you is beyond me.

Take care, CJ xx

grandmamargie said...

I was certainly glad to see your comment about it not being any of your virtual friends. I'm sorry someone has hurt you enough that you felt you needed to write this post. I'm thinking of you.

travelling, but not in love said...

I'm with you Aims. I don't put up with any of that shit. Why would we?

Joy T. said...

Could you bottle this new strength up and sell it? Because I would be first in line to buy it.

BT said...

I'm afraid I was suffering a bit like that from our neighbours aims and it hurts. Why oh why does hurting someone give some people so much pleasure? Hugs from Ireland ~Gina~ xxx