Monday, April 5, 2010

The Going

You know when the phone rings and it’s passed to you with the whispered words of who’s calling? You know how your stomach clenches and you think “Please God – don’t let this be that kind of call” – and yet it is and still you keep the receiver pressed against your ear as you stare blankly in front of you.

And suddenly there are images flashing through your brain as you listen to the messenger crying in your ear. They are images of a life that has been connected to yours and all you want to see are the good ones – the ones that made you smile and you can hear that person’s voice and it touches you deep inside and it draws out a memory.

And suddenly you can’t breathe or even catch your breath because there’s something in your throat that wasn’t there before the phone rang. Something that is hard and so huge it blocks your throat and hurts – burns. And suddenly you gasp and the hot tears pour down your face and you can’t talk or even whisper. You are left gasping at air like a dying goldfish and your hands grab blindly for the chair you know is somewhere behind you.

And suddenly there are no words – just a mutual crying across the telephone lines.

And on the other end of the phone – the messenger is living their own kind of hell. The one of bewilderment and loss – the one that knows the message must be passed on. The one that each time the telephone is picked up and the numbers punched in, that there is the knowledge that once again the heart must be ripped apart and the wound is going to grow bigger. There is the small hope that this isn’t real, even though you know it is. And there is the hope that too many questions won’t be asked because at the moment you just don’t know how to answer them – it is just too soon.

And on the other end of the line there is the knowledge that the torch has been passed and it is now an unspoken request that the message must be passed on.

The new messenger picks up the phone and punches in the numbers – aware that when the phone is lifted on the other end that the cycle will begin again and that more hearts will sigh and more tears be shed.

Goodbye dear one. Rest gently.

25 comments:

Fab, feisty and fifty... said...

oh golly..we have all felt that heart in your mouth dreadful feeling and anxiety... one felt never forgotten and never wanted to be revisited..

beautifully written

saz x

TSannie said...

This is heart-wrenching. Good thoughts and hugs...

Akelamalu said...

Oh my dear, is this a memory? I hope it's not happening now. :(

aims said...

Not a memory. Got the call yesterday and have been thinking of the fallout ever since.

Twain12 said...

i'm so sorry...i was the one that had to make the call. Sending you my love, i know the heartache

Maggie May said...

That was awful.
I have had things like this happen in the past.
You have my sympathy.

Nuts in May

Leslie: said...

Most of my previously married life was spent just waiting for that phone call...instead the police sirens and pounding on the front door was my call. I am so sorry.

Melanie said...

So know that feeling at the moment. Hugs.

Bernie said...

I am so sorry, I too have received this kind of call.....lives are changed forever. Keeping you in my heart and prayers.......:-) Hugs

Valleys Mam said...

thoughts and hugs Aims xxx

FlowerLady said...

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

grandmamargie said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs.

Daryl said...

So very sorry for your loss xox

Nora Ibsen said...

The sad ones overpower you, don't they, Aims?

softinthehead said...

Sorry to read that aims - stay strong.

bermudabluez said...

My heart goes out to you Aims....I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and hugs...

Appleshoe said...

I only found your blog today (followed you over from Tea and Talk) but if you can take comfort in knowing that a perfect stranger read your blog and cried for you, is thinking of you, has been there, and is praying for you, then please do. With respect.

Polergirl said...

Oh Aims my dear friend - I am so sorry.

I too know of that call. Sending you lots of love and hugs and some bright yellow flowers. x

Crystal Jigsaw said...

It happens to the best of us; pieces are left to be collected and somehow put back together.

CJ xx

dev said...

aims, you know how I feel. Thoughts and prayers are with you. You were so kind to Florence in life, and I'm sure wherever she is, she's smiling down on you.

dND said...

Hugs and love from here too. xxx

Alcoholic Daze (ADDY) said...

Dear Aims, In my befuddled state, I am not sure whom you have lost, but obviously someone very close to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.

Alice Stroppel said...

Aimee, you were able to capture with such eloquent words that moment that each of us at sometime in our lives must experience. It's universal, that moment that causes people to say, "there are no words....". But Aimee, even in your grief, you are a communicator, and gave a voice to your grief. It was beautifully painful, thank you for sharing. I'm think of you. Alice

BT said...

So well written aims, I am so sorry and send you a big hug.

Wendy said...

Great post! Very informative - definitely subscribing to your blog. Many thanks