Wednesday, July 30, 2008

'The Man' Tales - That First Night

We made it through that first night back at home with relative ease. I set the alarm clock every 2 hours and not wanting to wake his mother or uncle – I dozed with my hand on the clock. When it went off, I snapped off the alarm and made up Cid’s nebulizer. I would then gently wake Cid and place the mask on his face and watch while he inhaled all the good stuff until there was nothing left. Sometimes Cid slept through the treatment, sometimes I did - especially as the hands of the clock crept towards the early morning hours. Between the medications I had to take for my mental stability and just sheer nerves and exhaustion – sometimes I had to curl up on the foot of his bed – and sleep. I was afraid that snuggling up to this incredible man would hurt him in some way or I would be disturbing him – so I let him be.

In the morning Cid managed to shave and shower with a little help from me. For the first time in our relationship I saw him naked – and we both gave each other that sad ironic smile that shared our disappointment over this before he got into the shower. Of course in the end it didn’t matter – we still loved each other as much as we possibly could.

I kept checking to make sure he was all right, and he kept insisting he was. Afraid that he might slip or just give out without the oxygen, I dashed in and out of the bathroom while his mother glared at me. This astonished me as it was obvious that Cid needed a caregiver and that she was unable to do it herself. Cid knew what I was talking about as we whispered together while I helped him get dressed. He patted my shoulder and stated the obvious – his mother just couldn’t come to terms with any of it.

When he was dressed, the four of us again gathered around Cid’s little dining table and ate our breakfast. His mother loaded our plates and pushed food down her son’s throat – oblivious to his denials of wanting more.

Afterwards, Cid made a big show of stating his wishes. He told me that if he didn’t do it in front of his mother that she would deny and not believe anything that was said.

“Do you have a will Cid?” I asked. When he shook his head my mouth fell open. What was a lawyer doing without a will? Here was an obvious case of ‘it won’t happen to me’.

Turning his chair to face the room he called me to him in a loud voice so his mother would hear. As I stood inside his legs with his arms wrapped around my neck, he said “I am leaving you everything I own Aims. My mother will get the car and the money from the condo sale and my bank account – but everything else goes to you.”

“Oh Cid,” I said quietly and hung my head. From the corner of my eye I could see the daggers coming from his mother and I leaned into him and let his arms protect me from her. I gasped a bit when I felt his arms withdrawing from around me and I watched as he unclasped the gold chain from around his neck and held it out in front of him.

“I want you to have this Aims. You see these two gold hearts dangling here on this chain? This heart is mine and the other is yours. They will be together forever and when you wear it, it will lie up against your own heart and you will feel me with you – always.”

Turning me around, he draped the shining gold around my neck and did up the clasp. Looking down at the two little hearts against my chest I could feel the warmth from Cid’s body still clinging to them. As I looked up again my eye caught those of his mother’s and all I could feel was the coldness from her stare.

26 comments:

Living the Dream said...

Oh aims. I have been reading your story to my mum and my sister who has been here and they are completely hooked. Superb writing. I have to tell you, I have tried to vote for your blog, following the instructions, SO MANY times, in fact I will have another go when I collect the laptop from out of the garden when it was thrown through the window.

Jennifer said...

I just spent all day yesterday reading through the whole history of the Man story. Wow. Thanks for sharing!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Oh Gods. How utterly sad. You brought the tears, dear friend.

TSannie said...

following along

Melanie said...

Now 03:09 here- doing the airport run in a couple of hours. Had to comment.

I am getting the horrible feeling that a huge row is brewing and it aint going to be pretty. I so hope Cid and you can bear it.

lisaschaos said...

This is such a hard part of your story. :(

dawn said...

How sad. It is interesting how people of some professions do for others and don't get their own stuff taken care of.

Miranda said...

Thanks for sharing again. I know this must be hard. You have all us enraptured though and we appreciate it!

Crystal Jigsaw said...

You would have thought a mother would want the best for her son, to know he is loved so intensely should, I think, be the most reward for her.

CJ xx

Daryl said...

I feel for his mother she had no idea how to cope ... and obviously the language barrier doesnt include body language ... I'll bet you've never taken those hearts off

:-Daryl

BT said...

At last I have read from beginning to now Aims. So so sad and heart wrenching. I am almost afraid to read the next part of your incredibly moving story. So beautifully written, you deserve every award you get.
Gina
xx

Irene said...

Cid loves you so much, that is so obvious. Didn't he ask you to marry him? That man has eyes for you only. I don't think there is anybody else. I am glad you are getting to spend this 'quality' time with him. In spite of the pushy mother. You sure were in a rough space. How is your mental health holding up to all of this? To all this intensity of feeling? You've got some hard times ahead of you.

Lane said...

I'm sure you still wear that necklace. So, so sad.

I know you've got loads but there's an award for you at mine:-)

Biddie said...

I have a feeling that Cid's mom is going to have something to say abot all of this....

travelling, but not in love said...

Hi Aims,

I'm back off holidays and catching up.

How lucky for Cid to have a friend like you. Everyone should have one.

x

Valleys Mam said...

mothers and their sons, so sad if they learned to share them with their wifes,partners etc what joy it could bring to them.

John-Michael said...

Your beautiful telling of this moment illustrates, so well, the ever-presence of the opposing elements of life. The influences that would steal away joy amd squelch happiness. The voice that would drown out song and add confusion where agreement wishes to abide. To be able to make the choice to focus on the Good, whilst acknowledging the existence of the evil (without allowing it any dilutive effect), is a life-skill that you have so-obviously obtained. And I celebrate this grace in you.(Though I cringe in the realization of the 'tuition' that was exacted from you in the learning.)

Loving you ...

Breezy said...

It just doesn't get easier for you does it?

Brett said...

a pleasure and a pain to read as always, no tears this time, but only just. If you need a sunflower pic feel free to use mine.

Daryl said...

Oh Aims .. this whole hacking thing has me CRAZY ... we were sure it was the office PC but now things seem to point to my MacBookPro at home ... I am bringing it tomorrow for the techs here to look over ... I am also from now on shutting it down when I am not using it rather than letting it go to sleep .... if my hair wasnt already silver these few days would have turned it that way!

:-Daryl

Mae said...

These stories can be addicted. Well written.

Mae said...

These stories can be addicted. Well written.

Mae said...

These stories can be addicted. Well written.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Grief brings out the best and the worst behaviour in people. You can't always tell who will react well and who will not. Where there is a will, there's a relative - I found that out when my family dropped like flies 14 years ago.

Lehners in France said...

Aims I feel for his Mother in this post, as it is very hard to imagine your own flesh and blood could put anyone else first. Debs x

Mima said...

Aims I have gone back to catch up, and this one got me in tears again. I'm so glad that you got to share this precious time with him, even if it was knowing what was to come.