I avoided the computer for days while I berated myself for succumbing to my loneliness. Memories of Dragosani tortured me and I would find myself living in those few happy moments I had shared with him in the past. While I avoided the computer, I kept reminding myself that I had not actually seen any evidence that Dragosani and Shadow Dancer were together. It had only been a thought that had leaped into my head when I saw how familiar they were with each other.
With that in mind I got up my courage once more and crept back into the Parlor. It only took a few minutes before I saw that they were chatting and had been for some time already that evening. Getting up my nerve, I made my entrance as Ani and went and sat at the bar. I could almost hear Dragosani’s neck crack as his head whipped up when he noticed my name. Taking a deep breath I typed one letter.
‘Um – are you busy?’
‘Ummmm – Yeah Ani – I’m right in the middle of something.’
In little letters I posted, ‘I’m Sorry.’
‘Okay. Nice to see you again,’ he posted.
With a leaden heart I watched as he took up his chat again with Shadow Dancer. Once more I shut down the computer in a hurry and dashed out into the night.
For the next couple of days I beat myself up better than anyone else had ever tried to. How I hated that I had been so lonely that a couple of dances would make me forget about the promises I had made to wait for Dragosani while he finished school. How I hated that I had fallen for such a smooth dancer and talker. I went around in circles as I tried to figure out what the whole John thing had been about. I hated myself for giving in and giving up Dragosani.
Feeling like I had nothing to lose, I decided to call him on the phone. I needed to tell him that I was sorry about John and I needed to hope that I still might have a chance. When I heard his soft voice once more coming across the wire I started to cry.
“D? I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about everything and about writing you that letter. I was just so lonely and it seemed like we would never be together no matter how much we wanted it. After I wrote it my mother cut off the internet and I couldn’t go online and explain that to you. I’m really sorry D – you don’t know how sorry I am.”
“Yeah – well. I got that letter the day before Christmas. I didn’t speak to anyone during the entire Christmas break. I can’t explain what it did to me.”
“I’m really sorry D. Really. I, um"… The seconds that ticked by sounded like eternity crashing up against the universe and I watched the clock helplessly. "I was wondering if you had found someone else in the meantime?”
“Yes I have.”
As I listened to the silence that stretched between us after those last words, I felt what little hope I had talked myself into, plummet to the ground and die.
“I hope you find happiness then D. Again – I’m really sorry. I guess it’s good-bye then.”
“Yes it is. Good-bye.”