Wednesday, March 12, 2008

'The Man' Tales - Time Ticked On

After he went through security I raced to a spot where people parked their cars and watched the planes take off. It was at the end of the runway where the planes turn and get themselves into position before laying on the thrusters and launching into the ether. I stood in front of my little red sports car and waved like mad as his plane taxied into position. I had no idea if he had a window seat or if he could even see me – but I didn’t care. I didn’t care either that the rest of the people parked there were staring at me instead of watching the plane take off. But it was all for nothing. He didn’t see me – there wasn’t a hand waving back or a handkerchief flapping at a window. I was alone once more. My eyes needed their own set of windshield wipers as I drove away, while my heart was being pulled to the east somewhere in a silver tube that flashed through the skies.

Back at work my mother scoffed at my sadness and my relationship with a ‘kid’. She called him that over and over – ‘a kid’. She had been nice to his face during his visit as he worked his magic on our computer and answered and fixed everything that she brought up. He had given his expertise freely and willingly and she had taken it greedily. But – as soon as he had left, she cut him down.

Yesterday I hauled out those daily emails I had printed off to reread and relive that time. Those emails were filled with the abuse I endured from my mother as I spilled my anguish to D across the miles. I could barely stand to be in the same room as her as it inevitably led to fighting. She made sure I knew that I was nothing in her eyes. But I stayed because I was good at my job and loved every aspect except that I had to deal with my mother. On more than one occasion she told me that I had no say in anything to do with the business – even though I was the manager. I searched for another job and went for a couple of interviews – but my fear of losing my house hampered me.

The arrival of spring brought around the beginning of a frantic summer spent answering the rafting phones once more and spending every weekend out on the river cooking for my brother’s guests and helping out. Although my mother expected me to help my brother – she had no sympathy that I was worn out from working 7 days a week. If I came in to work one minute late on Monday mornings, I heard about it and so did everyone else. She never treated her other children in this manner nor any of the staff. I don’t know why I was so special.

The store that my father had opened in Calgary was still operating under my brother and younger sister. Money had been left to them by my father and they had put it into the store. I wasn’t left anything at all – although my mother pointed out that he had paid $500 to some man to do the drywalling. Compared with the $30,000 given to my siblings – well needless to say - it hurt. On top of the hurt came the responsibility to ensure that this second store could operate smoothly. I had to do all the buying and make sure inventory was properly kept so no mix-ups happened. Every single coat had to be checked for flaws and tagged before it was sent off to the Calgary store. All they had to do was steam it and hang it up on a hanger. This more than doubled my workload – but my mother didn’t care. She just wanted things to go easily for the Calgary location.

This also meant that we needed to rearrange our whole computer system to insure the inventory was kept accurate. We needed a computer person to come in and make this happen. In an email to D I asked him if he thought he could write a program and get this working. Then I went and pitched this proposal to my mother who in turn asked my brother for his opinion. All it would cost the business was his flight. What it would give me would be another week with him. My brother’s opinion mattered to my mother more than mine and somehow it turned my idea into theirs – but in the long run I didn’t care. I was going to see D again! The arrangements were made for the beginning of August and I marked the calendar.

13 comments:

Sweet Irene said...

Well, Aims, it's a good thing that in this here real life I don't have to wait for August to come along. Goodness!

Your Mom scares me, though. What sort of powers does she have over you and what will come of it? Will she scare D. away?

softinthehead said...

I agree with Irene - I'm worried about your mum, I would be surprised if she scared off D just to spite you. I don't know how you held your tongue. I know I wouldn't be anywhere near as forgiving. Fingers and toes crossed for a happy ending....

dawn said...

Wow, you sure put up with a lot from your family. I am not sure I would be able to hold my tongue, but then again, I don't know if I would have said anything either.

MZUNGU CHICK said...

Yay to 'D' coming back and 'Stuff' your mother!!

I Beatrice said...

I just don't know what to say about your mother! It's hard to believe she could have singled out one child so for constant belittlement...

But since I don't believe for a minute that she could have succeeded in driving D away - and since he more and more seems to me to be going to be The One... well, she got comeuppance of a kind didn't she, even in her lifetime?

One shouldn't be talking of comeuppance in connection with one's mother, I know that - but yours did seem to have broken all the rules!

Is a happy ending just about in sight now though? You might give us just the tiniest clue. Even though that would mean the end of the story of course, and we would all be left with nowhere much to go with our coffee in the mornings...

Lane said...

I've just read your last post and breathed a sigh of relief that your time with D was so good and so strong. And now I read about your mother.

Now, it's difficult, if not down rude to say anything negative about someone's mother but jeez I just can't see why she would treat you that way. And your 'inheritance'? That's awful. I tell you aims, you're a nicer woman than me.

I know this is your life and writing it must be hard, but it's such a good read:-) Thank you:-)

Daryl E said...

Like the others I dont know how you cope with family that puts you last......

lisa marie said...

You are such a strong woman to have come through all that you have and be here telling us about it. :)

That week you had sounded heavenly and I bet the next one was just as good. :)

John-Michael said...

" my heart was being pulled to the east somewhere in a silver tube that flashed through the skies." Wonderful!

You know, of course, that if I were reading this in a book, I would be getting absolutely NO sleep until the last punctuation mark.

You are KILLING me (but don't you DARE stop [grin!])

Canadian flake said...

I do NOT know how you have endured all the abuse from your family...you are so much stronger than I could ever be. I survived abuse as a child and things didn't improve with my Mom until I found the strength to fight back and let her know I would NOT take her crap ever again.

Breezy said...

Aims are we there yet? are we there yet? are we? is he the one?

aims said...

Irene - I have to say everyone is being rather patient (well sort of).

SITH - We had many fights over this.

Dawn - So many years of keeping quiet under abuse - if I didn't turn them in with the physical beating - what was verbal abuse compared to that?

Mzungu Chick - LOL!

Dearest B - I never understood her - ever! And no - the ending is not anywhere in sight - so your coffee hour is still safe!

Lane - Thank you! You have no idea how much I appreciate your comment.

Daryl - Just years of 'training' I guess.

Lisa Marie - It still makes me smile to think about it.

John-Michael - Thanks - that's a real compliment!

CF - It is a very hard thing to do.

aims said...

Breezy - LOL!! Your comment snuck in while I was writing the others...