Tuesday, March 4, 2008

'The Man' Tales - Life Goes On

While my mother grieved, I went back to running the family business. We had closed the store for a day out of respect for my father and to allow the staff to attend the funeral if they wanted to. I was surprised the mall owners had been so easy to deal with over this. What surprised me more was the number of people who came in to pay their respects. It was obvious that Dad had used a different face for the public than the one he used for his family. It brought to mind events from my youth when he had spent a good deal of time using ‘the strap’ on us – and then he would turn around to the nearest stranger and say what a wonderful family he had. I use to hate him for that.

One day my mother called me at the store and asked me if I had arranged with the nurses to increase his final cocktail. She thought it had looked different from the other ones. I told her that wasn’t something I had the power to do – only the doctors could. She kept insisting that I had arranged to have the painkiller cocktail increased, and the increased dosage had killed him. I knew she was distraught and grieving but I couldn’t understand why she would think I would try to arrange to euthanize him. I could also understand that she would be grasping at any straw immediately after his death – but when this continued for six months….

One day I received a phone call from a total stranger.

“Hi! This is Mona. I use to be engaged to John. I was wondering if you would like to get together for a talk. I understand you were engaged to be married to him as well and that he called off the wedding. I have some information for you that you might be interested in.”

Who could pass up something like that? We arranged to meet at a restaurant close to the mall after I closed the store.

Mona told me that she had been engaged to John for a couple of years and had given him back the ring just weeks before I met him. She had kept tabs on him and had heard all the details of our engagement from a mutual friend. I had never heard of Mona before but I made a mental note about telling that particular friend anything else. Mona knew that we had been planning to go to Mexico for our honeymoon and that John had applied for a passport.

“Did he show you the passport when it came in the mail?” she asked me. I thought about it a moment and remembered that he had said it had come, but that he had left it in his truck. I never gave it another thought – just put it down as one more job accomplished.

“So he never actually showed you his passport?”

I wondered where she was going with this.

“John can’t get a passport. He has a record and is not allowed out of the country.”

“What are you talking about? He works at a prison – how could he have a criminal record and work at the prison?”

“Oh,” she said. “He didn’t go to jail – but he can’t leave the country. He never showed you the passport because he can’t get one. And,” and here she almost gloated, “that is why Ruth divorced him.”

“Why exactly did Ruth divorce him?”

“Because he was caught looking in windows and taking pictures while people were having sex. He was charged with being a ‘Peeping Tom’. Or if you want to put it more accurately – ‘A Peeping John’. A lady saw him looking in their bedroom window and she called the police. He ran, but they caught him and hauled him down to the police station. Ruth had to bail him out. It apparently wasn’t the first time and she filed for divorce.”

While Mona sat on her side of the table looking smug, I sat on my side of the table and wondered if I was going to throw up.


Sweet Irene said...

I am ever so happy for you that you ditched this man. You certainly made the right decision here. Follow your instincts, Aims. Not the self destructive ones, but the ones that help you look out for you.

david mcmahon said...

These are such compelling posts.

And in answer to your question, the objects on the hatband photos are cattle tags (the big ones) and sheep tags (the little ones!!)



travelling, but not in love said...


A husband with a big libido is one thing. A husband who gets his kicks looking in windows is another thing altogether....!

Well, in one respect it's quite funny - I hope you are writing this part of the story with a wry smile on your face.

As for your mother accusing you of upping your fathers dose, well, grief is an odd thing. My Mom absolutely doesn't remember a single thing about the first year of widow-hood....

I Beatrice said...

Oh my God - and to think that you might not have stumbled upon this until AFTER you were married!

On this occasion at least, your guardian angel must have been standing by.

Amy said...

How odd that this woman would call you up to tell you that.

Beckie said...

I agree with Amy - how odd.

You have been drawn to some people with very odd energy in our lifetime.

Rob Hopcott said...

I once got called out of the blue by someone who was tracing the activities of a fraudster who left a trail of debts wherever he went, including to me.

It's amazing to be talking to someone you don't know about someone you thought you knew but, as it turned out, didn't actually know at all.

If you know what I mean?

Living the Dream said...

What a lucky escape. I can't understand why she would search you out to tell you that though.

Living the Dream said...

By the way, dnd and I talk about you because we would love to meet you and we find you so interesting. At least we are talking where you can see what we are saying, so all good of course. :-)

lisa marie said...

I wonder why Mona felt the need to tell you all this after he was out of your life anyway? Why didn't she come and blab while you were still with him. What a busybody!

Daryl E said...

Oh I stopped by to say sorry about the snow and then got to reading .. Aims, I wish I could give you a hug. Stay strong. Do NOT let those turkeys bring you down!

John-Michael said...

My Dear, Dear wounded Lady.

My heart aches for you!

I am walking, hand-in-hand with a loved One who is dealing with the very same sort of deceit and betrayal of trust. (see "PERSHA" posting on 3 March). She chose to ignore all of the signs (that she now admits that were clear to her) and married the sociopath on Valentines Day, a year ago. Now has a court restraining order against him and lives in terror while the divorce progresses.

Know that love, compassion, and good will are yours from me.


Potty Mummy said...

And she couldn't tell you this before (i.e whilst you were still planning on marrying him) because...?

Rob Hopcott said...

Aims, thanks for your visit to my humble abode.

Sorry you couldn't find Cafe Hopcott.

Did you try cafehopcott.com ?

It's just a bit of fun, really, and very light hearted :-)

Breezy said...

Well I could understand her wanting to let you know what a lucky escape you had (just about) but why would she think she was in a position to gloat? Please tell us you slapped her down

Canadian flake said...

wowwwww I am sooooo glad that you got rid of that man...even though I know it was hard on you...

Sure sounds like it was for the best.

Retiredandcrazy said...

There sure are some weird bastards out there, and I include Mona in that bunch. Would she have let you marry him without saying anything? And why tell you now?

aims said...

Irene - I wish I had never met him.

David - Oh! That is so neat!

TBNIL - Yes - the smile is there - and for so many more reasons too!

Dearest B - Just thinking about finding out afterwards makes me nauseous...

Amy - I thought it was too..

Beckie - I think she had many ulterior motives - she was weird herself too btw...

Rob - You hear of these people and hope you don't know any. When you do it is such a disappointment and shock. One always believes they are better judges of character..

Hazel - It was the best luck I've ever had - and you gals can chat about me all you want. As Oscar Wilde once said - "The only thing worse than being talked about is Not being talked about."

Lisa Marie - Exactly! - what were her ulterior motives?

Daryl e - Thankfully it is over with now.

John-Michael - Thank you sweetie!

Potty Mum - because she was a bitch??

Rob - will give that a try then..

Breezy - I tried to keep my composure and my head held high. Nobody likes to be shown to be a fool...but then she was too wasn't she? She was engaged to him right before I came on the scene. And from what I could figure out from the conversation - she still wanted him back - what an idiot!

CF - I am glad too! It would have been a hard enough marriage with those kids of his - but with that as well..and the ex?? No - I should have run from the beginning - in fact I never should have looked in the first place.

RAC - You said it! There was something wrong with her. She was so proud that he used her name as his password on his computer. She even asked me if he had anything around the house about her..pics and stuff...she was sick I think.

Lane said...

Why on earth would your mother have thought you could administer such a dose? I know grief loses reason but still. This is awful Aims.

I'm so glad John wasn't the one. The waters are getting murkier and murkier where he's concerned. Mona sounds like one messed up woman too.

aims said...

Lane - it was horrible to get those calls over and over again from my mother. As for John and Mona - don't you think they would have made a good pair?

dawn said...

How very interesting she came to you when it was over to give you that info.

Popkins said...

Yep, Pookie..jeezie peezie....but in spite of it all, you're still standing, luv....

I agree..grief affects people differently....

and as for odd men...while...you know how I feel ala your cuz, etc.

A good man is hard to find, but you finally did!Yippee.