Friday, March 21, 2008

'The Man' Tales - Oh Cid!

In the silence that followed, I sat and stared at the stars as they twinkled down on us. I thought of all the years I had spent wishing for this moment, longing for a life with Cid, yearning for him to want me as much as I had always wanted him. I thought of all the nights I had spent aching when he had kissed me and headed off home. I thought of the joy his presence brought to me every single time I saw him. I thought of his kindness that he had wrapped around me like a huge protective blanket. I thought of how his voice thrilled me to the tip of my toes and how much I loved him. And I thought about how much he loved me. Then I thought of D as he took his first step up onto the train that whistled through the night, its headlights searching for what lay ahead as it rumbled towards me.

“Oh Cid! Why now?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us. How happy we are together, how you make me laugh. And I want to take it further.”

“Why did you take so long Cid?”

“I really don’t know. Stupid I guess. But I know now.”

A train whistled far off across the prairies and the sound drifted in on a nighthawk’s wings. It brought to me the image of D, sitting on a train marked with an arrow, its tracks running straight towards my heart.

“I think our life together would be wonderful – I really do. I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve finally got my nerve up to ask you. So will you? Will you marry me?”

Tears kept me from answering for a long time and he put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me close while he waited. Never did that stupid clich̩ of being caught between a rock and a hard place seem more suited to my life right at this moment. Knowing what I had to do РI sagged against him for a few moments and sucked up his warmth. Taking a deep breath I turned towards him and took his face in-between my hands and kissed him long and softly. Looking into his deep brown eyes I thought momentarily of the peyto blue ones that were dreaming of me Рand I cried again. The pain was almost physical and I wanted to hurry and get it over with so I could deal with the results.

“I can’t Cid. Not at this time. I’m sorry.”

Cid looked away into the darkness for a bit and took a deep breath before he answered me. “That’s okay. Really.”

“No – it isn’t okay Cid. You have no idea how much I have longed to hear those words from you – and for so many years. But right now – I can’t. And I can’t explain it to you either.”

We held hands under the blanket and as my tears fell into the wool, the smell of wet sheep rose into the night air and encircled us. I sat there and thought of how much I loved this man and how much it hurt me to hurt him. In a few days he would know why, and I felt sick with the knowledge that I was too much of a coward to tell him why I had turned him down.

We sat there for another half hour and watched the stars whirl around us. When a shooting star flashed over our heads we laughed and made a wish before mashing our lips frantically together.

“I love you Cid. I love you so much it hurts. Especially right now. But I do.” His lips tasted bittersweet and I wondered if he would quit coming around once D arrived. I sincerely hoped not. Returning home he made sure I was safe and sound inside the big blue barn before he gathered his things to make the trip back to Edmonton. At the front door I clung to him, unable to let him go without telling him once more how I felt.

“I love you Cid. I really do. Remember this okay?”

“I don’t understand, but I’ll try. Goodnight sweetheart.”

As his taillights vanished into the night I slumped against the door and sobbed.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, girl. Heartbreaking. Now I depressed. But I think I know who "The Man" is. Woohoo. How much longer are you going to make us wait??? :) Margie

dawn said...

That is so tough. Sometimes life isn't fair. People make choices and there is no explaining the timing. So sad.

softinthehead said...

I must admit to feeling "phew!!" - I hope I am right... hurry up D!

Daryl E said...

I have to admit you have me totally involved so I went back to read your older posts .. I hadnt realized you were telling this from now .. I mean I didnt realize this isnt happening now .. its then. Anyway, aims, I am enjoying it nonetheless now that I know which end is up. LOL at me! :-D

Breezy said...

Aims I'm really glad I know it all turned out right in the end but poor Cid, poor D and poor you!

Lane said...

Too late Cid old boy. Or is he? You 'mashed his lips'?? I know full well Aims that there are still surprises in store for us.

Did Cid have an inkling about you and D that motivated him into action or was it just bad timing?

Next bit asap please:-)

CrazyCath said...

Heartbreaking stuff. Really hard. I am engrossed in this now.
I read in the comment from breezy it all turned out all right in the end. That must mean you are happy now and I am glad for you.
But you do write really well and explain this pain so good I feel it.
Next installment soon please....

Canadian flake said...

omg how bittersweet...this is so sad it makes me wanna cry...

I will look forward to see what happened next...

Joy T. said...

Everyone should follow their heart but no one says it will be easy. I am so glad I know how this turns out because this would surely be killing me about now!

I Beatrice said...

My lips are firmly sealed on this one - since every time I've opened them lately it has only been to stick one of my feet firmly in between!

Either one of these two men, it seems to me, could be the One.

Your comment count is now beginning to out-strip that of WITN, btw - so many congratulations on your stunning success!

Carolyn said...

I'm just stopping by to thank you for your lovely comment on my bike accident post. You're allowed to laugh. I am now too.

As for your writing here, I'm afraid to scroll back to read the beginning of your story. It's already waaaaaaay past my bedtime but the first few sentences have me hooked! Uh-Oh.

I'll be back.

Stinking Billy said...

aims, how much convincing do you take? You have us all entirely at your mercy! Now, for God's sake, go in for the kill!

dND said...

aims, you are such a tease. I'm trying desperately not to guess but let the tale unfold but...

I think it's going to be another red herring though. It's so frustrating when you can't turn to the last page for a sneak look :-D

MZUNGU CHICK said...

Oh My Goodness ...

lisa marie said...

I loved the tears in wool surrounding you with the scent of wet sheep - how romantic. :)

Sweet Irene said...

I am sitting here nearly sobbing myself. Are you sure you are doing the right thing. Oh, I am so confused, my god! You sure know how to make somebody's heart ache!

jennifer h said...

Oh, this was heartbreaking. Now I will go to older posts and read what's come before. Even without all the backstory, I'm dying to read what comes next.

Beautiful writing. I'll be back.

mental mosaic said...

Ciao Aims, I just found you via Flashback Friday, so I am utterly clueless as to what proceeded this post. Even so, you really sucked me in! I am very curious who Cid is and how D is and how it all turns out in the end! Guess I'll do some digging. :)

~Tui

aims said...

Margie - It was a terribly hard thing to do. And you think you know huh? :0)

Dawn - I agree - why did he wait so long?

SITH - LOL!

Daryl - Oh dear! Yes - the year was 1998 - but to me it seems like yesterday!

Breezy - I can't convey how terribly hard it all was..

Lane - I'm pretty sure Cid didn't know..and if he did - he would have treated that news the same as he had treated the others I had dated.

Crazycath - Yes - I am writing now from the land of happiness and contentment - :0)

CF - it seems like I create that response in you quite a bit..

Joy - I have wondered many times if I should have kept it all a secret from you both that day...

Dearest B - I'm sure your shoes taste quite differently from your hat...as for my comments...I'm amazed! but thank you!

Carolyn - Oh dear! At this point it is going to take you longer than you think to read it all..but if you want to give it a try - it is all under the 'truth' label on my sidebar...

Billy Billy Billy - the story comes out as it was played...even tho I have been sorely tempted sometimes to just spill the beans...

Deborah - Gasp! You're not one of those are you!!

MC - :0)

Lisa Marie - I'm glad you noticed...I particularly liked - A train whistled far off across the prairies and the sound drifted in on a nighthawk’s wings. You're right - we are romantics!

Irene - Wait a minute! I thought you said Cid was too late and shouldn't stand a chance?!

Jennifer - Thanks for visiting...if you are interested you'll find everything under the label 'truth' on my sidebar....

Mental Mosaic - First of all - thanks for stopping by..but could you let me know how you found me through Flashback Friday? And then see my instructions to Jennifer...

Sweet Irene said...

I know I did, but then he sounds so sincere that night and you tel how much you really, really love him and it makes me think that maybe he would have been the right one after all.

mental mosaic said...

I'm trying to retrace my steps, but I honestly can't remember which FF link brought me here. I hope you don't mind?

~Tui

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Now that I have my laptop connected to the wieless hub I have the luxury of reading back on old posts instead of just catching up here and there on the desktop when the hubby wants on there too. Cracking good read Aims now that I have retraced your story back to the beginning or thereabouts. Glad you are happy now, you certainly deserve it sweetie.

John-Michael said...

Listen ... I don't want you to worry about me. No, REALLY! I'll be fine. I'll just double my anxiety medications, close the drapes, and crawl into bed (where I will assume the fetal position) ... and WAIT!!

Joy T. said...

Coming back to wish you a Happy Easter and just read your comment and have to say NO!!!!!!!!!! I am glad I know because I feel honored and thrilled and wish I could properly convey how much I LOVED you story! So much so that I've gone back to read a couple chapters over :o)

rilly super said...

crikey aims, terrific stuff and by the way your influence on us over here is even extending to the weather which is distinctly canadian this weekend

Canadian flake said...

Hi there, Just wanted to let you know that I linked to your blog in my post today and left a little award for you there.

Hope you are having a great Easter

aims said...

Irene - Sorry I have to make you wait a little bit more - but I do...but you are right - I adored Cid..and I was trying to convey that in my writing...

Mental Mosaic - I don't mind - and I don't mind a mystery either.


MOB - Good to see you again girl! I am not the only one who thought you dropped off the face of the planet!

JM - LOL! I hope you've got snacks under those blankets!

Joy - OMG!! You have??!! Thank you girl! I am overwhelmed!! oh - and Happy Easter to you and yours as well!

Rilly Super - I heard it was snowing and bitterly cold over there...sorry about that girl! Great to see you again!

CF - Thank you ever so much! I will post it with pride on my sidebar!!

Living the Dream said...

Breezy said, poor Cid, poor D and poor you??? Mmmmmmm neither of these is The Man???? Hurry, write some more

Carolyn said...

thanks for the visit - my husband is Hungarian... check out my post from March 21 for the full story.

Popkins said...

Oh dear....I knew this would happen. I hear "Too Much Too Little Too Late" playin' through the "windmills of my mind".....