Thursday, March 6, 2008

'The Man' Tales - I Move On

Whatever Mona’s reasons were for telling me about John – I still was grateful. It made moving on with my life so much easier after I found that out. I know I would have agonized over the breakup otherwise. I did get one more call about him around the same time. This one came from the jeweler who was making a special wedding band to go with the unusual setting of the diamond. The band had been John’s project, but he had not called to cancel it after he left. Fortunately for me the jeweler was a kind man and apologized for my situation and told me to forget about the band. I could have been stuck paying for something that would have been useless.

I turned my face forward with a sigh of relief and the feeling that I had just missed stepping off a cliff in the dark. Fortunately ‘N’ had quit going to the country bar now that she was married, as I had no wish to run into John again. Instead I spent most of my evenings working on writing my book The Wailings and sharing life again with my nephew when he was home. I spent most of my weekends with Cid who was always eager to go somewhere new or he took me with him when he went to visit his mother.

At work we had decided to incorporate a ‘point of sale’ system into the store to help with inventory and keeping track of customers. This involved buying a whole new computer and weeks of training. On the salesman’s recommendations, my mother agreed to internet service in the store once more. It sang to me – like a siren’s call – but I managed to ignore it for sometime and kept everything strictly business.

One night after the store was closed, I ventured once more into what was once my favorite chat room in Bianca’s Smut Shack. My hands trembled violently as I waited for the site to load and I found myself in the bathroom feeling sick to my stomach. With my head between my knees, I could see every single word of that good-bye letter to Dragosani as if I were holding it in my hands. After splashing cold water on my face, I stood for a while and looked into the mirror and asked myself if I wanted to do this. I had no right to expect anything but the worst and my stomach confirmed that feeling every time I made the effort to leave the bathroom. Taking a deep breath and reminding myself that only I was to blame – I headed back to the computer.

Unable to bring myself to log in, I just lurked. I sat for a long time with my hands over my mouth and watched the conversations taking place. Some of the people I recognized, but there were many new people in the Parlor. I wasn’t surprised – I had been gone for some time. When Dragosani’s name appeared - I stopped breathing. A flash of heat swept over my body and I could feel the remnants of it in my face. I wanted to run to the bathroom again, but I remained glued to the monitor. As if in a dream, I watched as Shadow Dancer responded to his comment and I knew deep down inside me that they were now together.

Shutting down the computer I locked up the store and headed out into the night
.

15 comments:

Living the Dream said...

The next night I went once again into the chat room and instead of turning off the computer, I looked down and saw my hand move toward the mouse and place the pointer over D's name. Should I? You will have to find out........
Hurry up aims, I need to know.
Hazel
xx

Stinking Billy said...

aimsy baby, you are always putting yourself through the mill. Such emotion the whole time - but is Dragonsoni worth it all, is he going to come through for you? I hope so.

katydidnot said...

i can't wait to come back and read all the previous man tales. wish i could right now.

Sweet Irene said...

You sure know how to keep a person on the edge of their seat. Will she or will she not? Will he still be there for her?

Sweet Irene said...

I have a Busy Bee award for you over at my place.

MZUNGU CHICK said...

I want to take bets on who 'The Man' is now Aims - I'm so going with Cid because he sounds like an absolutely honey.
Ooooh Oooooh OOooooh can't wait for next installment ......
- no pressure ! HE HE :)

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Your writing is so emotional. It is a pleasure to read.

Keep going..
Crystal xx

Canadian flake said...

Wowwwwwzers....I didn't see THAT coming...I can't wait to hear what happens next...lol

Shameless said...

Hi Aims - Thanks for your visit to my blog. I've been here a few times to visit but don't know where to start reading ... to the very start of the blog? It looks like you've got quite a story going here. I'm going to link to you if that's OK. :-)

Lane said...

I didn't see that coming either.
But Cid, bless him, has been a rock all along. Does he remain 'just a friend'?. I'm waiting to find our.

You sure do know how to keep us hanging on:-)

LZ Blogger said...

HI! I just wanted to say thanks for stopping by (via David's Blog). Please feel free to stop by again at any time! Thx again! From your post, I'd say that's why I don't visit chat rooms! But that's just ME! ~ jb///

imac said...

Hi, you have a great heartfelt blog here.

Thanks for visiting my blog and your kind comments.

aims said...

Hazel - LOL

Billy - isn't life more exciting when it is full of emotion?

Katydidnot - hope you have a few hours to spare then...

Irene - Thank you ever so much! Another reason to keep the words coming...

MC - no pressure - ya right! In my last get-together with 4 other bloggers - I talked about the pressure of getting the next post out there....of course - this blog is different from most when it comes to that isn't it?

Crystal - Thank you Girl!

CF - uhuh - no pressure here either?!

Shameless - What a gentleman you are asking to link - of course you can darling! As for the beginning - it is all under the label 'truth'.
(btw - I just went ahead and linked to you a long time ago - I hope you don't mind).

Lane - all will be revealed...(I sound like a fortune teller here...)

Lz blogger - and thank you for visiting. I saw on your profile that you usually don't answer comments - so I'm touched! And thanks to David McMahon for putting up the Post of the Day too!

Imac - thank you for visiting too! And again - another referral to your blog by the great David McMahon!

dawn said...

Oh, the suspense increases.

Popkins said...

See how we all wuv you and are so involved, P.....isn't that wonderful!I"d give you an award...but I have to stir my pasta xoxoxox